searching for a word and coming across old messages in my phone. i am surprised to find how social i used to be. i realize i don’t speak to many people at all anymore. the hardest part of being social is losing the opportunity, then the capacity for it. there was a time when i was propelled by social inclinations, and things would just happen, like music, or dancing. apparently i had the energy, seemingly endlessly. it is all still poetry. what was that word again?





i think the most inspiring people to me have been the closest, for definitely the longest. when i was a kid i didn’t care what my brother did or wanted from me. when i left home he did other things. when i came back we became great friends. now i don’t see him. now we don’t talk much. i wonder if everyone is just as busy being alone.





i made a friend in class once. another, walking home. one at a party, surely. one friend i met at breakfast on a train. when i was young and lived on a dirt road my only real friend was eight years older. in my mind he is still a teenager with a van and video games and more cds than i have. he taught me how electricity worked. and how to nail wood together. that you could build anything you wanted out of lego, and hit baseballs over walls of trees. i wonder what ever happened to him.